I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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