Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
