She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
