I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
