Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Randomize
