I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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