why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
