My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
