pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
