FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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