I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
