Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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