using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
