this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just tell him i said nine months
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
