I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
