so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I understand Curling. That high.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
