i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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