covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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