I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
