you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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