don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
