Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
