stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
