I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Panties = found
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