My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
