They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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