I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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