I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
