so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
