We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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