you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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