whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
