I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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