she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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