I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The best revenge is premature balding
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
