perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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