im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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