this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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