I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
