sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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