Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Two words: blizzard sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
