I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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