He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
