Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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