yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
