just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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