I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
