just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
