I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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