sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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