she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
