my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
