She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
