You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
