I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
