So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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